It is not just another bump in the road. You are more responsible for the people in your world, not the people in your people’s world, they are. Like immediate family, less distant cousins, but really more like friends of friends.
If I went around saying kindness is all that anyone is allowed to do or should do, it would be a sin of omission, not in balance with reality, and get you hurt, or seem to be a jealous or back biting attempt to get someone in trouble, wrongly.
1. Can telling you … ‘kind words will help water the FLOWERS, not a storm‘
— make them change
— or … Would it warp a natural reaction?
— What? You want to make someone seem uncaring, robotic, unsympathetic, slow-witted, unfeeling, and that would be better?
— Because you are?
— Sweep the problems under the rug?
Ex.- Do you even care that maybe
someone is killing their flowers? so Maybe after THEY are safe from clutches of a sneaky tiger or lying snake? Or thief or non-organic pesticide? They won’t be mad or negative anymore, and that would upset your balance? If not their jailer, let it be!
Ex. -Just kindly telling a dog to quit barking at you will not work. You have to say NO and mean it. The same with a rapist!
EX. -If you put a wildcat in a cage, where it belongs, is it going to talk gently or scream bloody murder? it wants reassured it is safe, and is not going to do the reassuring.(or watering the flowers).
Ex. – If you put a pot head on anti- psychotics is he going to be thrilled, when he can’t get it up? or is it reserved for perverts, and or those with the potential to be perverts, because the get feelings hurt, too easily? again making mad, rightly so, and it still can be a cause for revenge. Which is avoidable?
* When facing anger ‘what is the underlying cause, even if it doesn’t apply, seem appropriate to the situation, And or seem off of them to do?’
* Preventing someone from misplacing blame, like baby shaking, begins in childhood, not adulthood, when they could have children of own.
3. Competent straight adults are supposed to do the disciplining, make rules, enforce laws, support and raise children, fairly punish.
Yea, ‘kindly’ and sweetly telling the child, to not go in the street, or take their hand away from the flame on stove, works? Not. I am not even sure telling them to not play with matches, nicely, convinces them. If you wont be nicely convinced of stuff, they may take to next level.
4. You can’t apply generalizations to random madness. If you don’t know why someone is upset, who are you to say what is right? Noone is always happy or mad.
Generalizations only make people madder, esp. If they are off base…
–like as if you are someone who doesn’t really care, and
— thinks they know it all, or
— generalizing can make the upset one feel bad, or guilty about how they naturally felt, at the time, which was hurt …
What? Is your goal to make them feel doubly hurt, after all? Feel less important, as if you aren’t there with them, when you are? That you aren’t the freind and supporter, you are trying to assume you are?
— more like looking for something to turn into a fault about them?
5. You can’t randomly apply a generalization, as if it is okay to be against something that might be perfectly normal or natural for someone to be upset about.
— And how would you even know, if you just assume, and say “this will work everytime”, “any time”, or even “one time”? and
— you or the one you recommend is not even a qualified professional counselor? Or conducting an informed social experiment for a class?
6. If you want someone to calm down, you have to let them say what they need to say, to understand their point of view, get it out of their system, not expect that they mean it, if venting, not act like they don’t have a brain, of their own, or a right to feel how they feel.
7. If you accepted your rightful place, in the world, (respected authority), until you learned better, you wouldn’t make people mad that mattered, and it definitely isn’t in your favor, at any time, to act like the one, you are making angry, is the one whose life doesn’t matter, like if a stranger.
*Why? because if you have a hard time, as it is, caring about your own life, what are you doing in their business?
Like some young people do, experimenting with their power, they will sit there and taunt a tiger in a cage, with a stick, and you don’t do that, if you are trying to maintain peace, certainly not one in a cage.
– Are you expecting perfection, when you are the one doing the bad impressing? by expecting it in the first place, without caring? Or acting like a spoiled brat?
In other words, you don’t try to argue with, talk down to, or make sense out of what an angry person is saying, but should you revisit at a later date? Ask if could. Let it run it’s course, if not hurting you, like if being given a lecture or a sermon. Then maybe they won’t want to take it out on innocent.
8. Some people have no respect or understanding, to care enough to not try and make people angry? and so it leads to abuse, of all kinds? but not by the ones who are openly angry, but by the ones who are secretly angry or are still angry because anger stifled and not released apprpriately, like burning calories… making a joke out if it, like someone who is feeling powerless, instead of rationally confronting, so resort to criminal thinking? Grow up or what a price you will pay.
— are you trying to waste everyone’s time, when your’s is less valuable, even? Like someone still in school? To make yourself feel important?
— do you taunt, trying to push their buttons or (thinking they have a right for revenge, when scolded, corrected, or set straight?
— you don’t get or seek help or support or do self help anger management? And SHOULD.
9. Anger is more of a physical emotion, than a mentally controlled one, and never learning to express it, in a healthy way, not volatile, may not be good; you need like a calming tea, deep breathing, pain relief, like a massage. Maybe then, next time, you will do better? Anger is usually the result of a triggered stress response.
— Did you trigger it in them?
— Them in you?
— If you aren’t a child anymore, then you can’t say you didn’t know any better, unless you are mentally slow.
— We all want to lower our stress levels
— or should you be in a straight jacket?.
10. Sometimes you are damned, if you do, and damned if you don’t, about whether to take a stand, so if you at least care, and risk being honest, like them, about your feelings, yet try to be sympathetic of the other, you still look like you had a heart and tried.
— And don’t take it personal. Taking something personal is a sure way to make yourself mad, and how can you complain about their madness, if you are secretly mad, too? Are they taking something too personal? Or rightly standing up for what they believe and their principles?
Sympathizing with someone’s pain helps, even if it is only emotional pain, more so than patronizing them, is to PREVENT danger, yet to learn to relate and not trigger it.
Have any of these sayings worked?
— don’t cry over spilled milk?
— it’s all water under the bridge now.
— think twice before you leap?
PREVENT danger at all times. It is very serious, because like you, they are sensitive also. And may take your patronizing as crazy, too, not because you argued about it, but because you DIDN’T. Sympathy, compassion, and understanding doesn’t seem judgmental, if you are doing it right.
Is it another case of ‘timing is everything’? I am sure it would help, but not if you don’t get it, and have bad timing, meaning you are being a purposeful asshole, who is inciting anger, stalking, or violating in any way.