and it is FORGOTTEN, without MEDIATION?
- To hold a grudge is hateful, but to be willing to forgive is a beautiful thing. –Joyce Meyers?
If you ate dying from lack of counsel, where they are not, then maybe you should hear them out…BUT….
Watch out for generalizations
They may be fine at ‘face value’, but not seriously.
Forgiveness may be a beautiful thing, if they are trying to buy your forgiveness, your vote, or someone else’s, with your money. (Ever seen that visual?)
DID THEY MENTION…. On the forgiveness freeway…..
Forgiveness can be fatal. Clearly they must have failed your trustworthy test?
What if the person does not really want forgiveness and is lying…
To not want forgiveness is an even more hateful thing. To think you did nothing to have to be forgiven for is stubbornness or forgetful, because …. Youtriednot to get forgiveness, when it happened, you then let it slide, and it is supposed to be whoever’s job to guide you through it? For everything you need to be forgiven for? That is why we do try not to sin and have a clean conscience.
Do you forgive someone, who is not genuinely sorry, where you were innocent?
1. What if the person does not even want forgiveness, in reality, it is just you thinking they do, for some reason? Did they even ask?
2. Do they want it, because they genuinely see how they hurt you, and feel they are wrong?
3. Are they truly sorry? Forgiveness without remorse is like a guarantee it will happen again.
4. Is it because they see you have moved on, and they want something else from you? To hurtyou again and reestablish a biting control over you? Like they feel they are losing their grasp over you?
5. Do they really feel they were wrong, and see how right you were, and how wrong they were? Such as maybe they were misinterpreting your actions, and it was their own fault, if they took action, without further investigation, to your face. Or being unknowing of underlying problems, due to self concern? Yet living in judgment by them, you had to defend yourself incessantly? How it feels to be misjudged is not a welcome feeling or fair, like a veil of bad impressions. Would you even care to know them, if they are made aware, and they do this again?
6. Was what they did, only thoughtless, immature, irresponsible, harried, or not empathetic enough for you? And so you are not being very merciful or understanding? Or they expect too much understanding and not enough are they ‘behaving’?
7. What if the person is lying? Is there a motive than is much deeper than they will let on? Trying to get illegal access, unearned trustworthy rights, or liberties, undeserved? Where they could do some damage?
8. Do they try to turn the tables on you and want forgiveness for something that they imagined or made up in their head? Such as you parted ways with someone for whatever reason, then they imagine reasons that they can blame you for that YOU need to be forgiven for? Exaggerate claims, or misplace the blame? Due to having excess baggage?
9. Do you forgive someone, whom you are too afraid to tell on, whom you feel is in the wrong? As if it is privilege you have a right to give them? It could possibly hurt them worse to not tell on them, than to let them face the consequences of their actions by the law. Will you find yourself at odds with the law, if you forgive them? Subject to scrutiny from family and friends, as well, by being neglect in your responsibility to promote a positive change in them, by not letting it slide? They may keep on spending a lot of time trying to get acceptance for their wrongs, as you spend none getting acceptance and support for yours? And then the scales of justice get tipped and lose their balance?
Forgiveness is not an easy process, if you are not being realistic and timely, mutually! It has to be assessed and judged with wisdom. Do you give up or give in, before you get the forgiveness or give the forgiveness? If so, you are being unfair to yourself and the others involved, not letting them off easy, you may find more acceptance that you could hold onto.
Do not want any fatalities.
If they are genuinely hurting you, and you have no control over it, it may not get any better, but worse, if you forgive, without taking action to defend or protect yourself.
YOU DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO FORGIVE, JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE EXPECTS YOU TO, WANTS YOU TO, ASKS YOU TO, ADMITTEDLY.
Is it hard to forget the pain that is caused? The loss that resulted? The victimized reputation that you feel?
You could easily forgive a pet or child, without conditions, but
- Someone, who has not relinquished control, who expects you to forgive them, unconditionally? Such as a gossiper, sociopath, or a conspirator,
- who has not even expressed a desire their selves of wanting forgiveness, by being apologizing, or having concern that they may have crossed a line, and it could be…. more fatal, if not physically, then socially, as they become even more outright devious.
Should a prey forgive their predator? HELL NO!!!!1
· Should a rabbit forgive a cat? No.
· Should a rat forgive a cat? No
· Should a cat forgive a dog? no
· Should a home owner, who finds a skunk or opossum or raccoon, forgive a wildlife expert who abandoned them, without permission, leaving them to an uncertain fate?
- Does a child, sister, or aunt forgive a molester?
Tell any who ask…
- Ask GOD for your forgiveness; do not ask from MAN, AS YOU MAY WAIT FOREVER TO GET TRUE FORGIVENESS? You need at least god’s help to lead the way.
Do you deserve forgiveness, and are you giving up the behavior that needs to be forgiven?
FORGIVING REQUIRES EFFORT AND REHASHING, AND THEN it may be back to giving up, for the same reason that it was abandoned the first time. Your effort and someone who really does not care to begin with, unless it is ore worth it to them now, than it was when they broke the rule?
Will forgiving really stop the pain? If so, it is probably only because you were in the wrong, and attempting to give yourself mercy? And it is kind of egotistical.
· Taking actionto stop it from staying buried in your heart will stop the pain.
o Grieving about it will stop the pain.
o Fussing or bitching about it lightly will stop the pain.
o Letting a matter go, will stop the pain, but does not mean you forgive or forget.
o Pursuing recourse or justice, and problem prevention will prevent more pain.
· Getting a sincere apology will more so stop the pain. Apologizing will not stop the love, but forgiving, without one, will.
The effort required, in a forgiveness process, has to be mutual and reasonable.
· If you quickly say you are sorry, admit when wrong, give remedyhowever you can, then you can easily move on, without hard feelings. It is a good habit to have, in general, though many people may take another route…. They may see and believe that ‘saying sorry is a weakness’, rather than a healthy way to live your life. Saying sorry is what feels good. Smiling, like you did nothing, will not stop the pain, as it may feel like a rotten thing has gotten close to your heart. Admitting that you can or do have faults and are not better than everyone else, when you are, at least sometimes, or will be, and only then can you fix it, like not buying into it anymore, and move on with the courage of perfection. That you shouldn’t have done it? That you wouldn’t have done it? That you couldn’t have done it? Facing fears of admitting a fault may be harder, if allow faults to get the upper hand, SO…. don’t.
· If the person has not even expressed that something is wrong, then that is their error, if something is, as a case of not wanting someone to see through them, and nothing gets resolved, and the relationship may never be mutually satisfying.
· Do you want someone to forgive you for the wrong reasons, and make yourself look bad? When in it, you may not think about that way, and try to do it for the wrong reasons, like you don’t want them to see through you? Then you should not be having a relationship with them at all. You could try every scenario, running from the truth, but you are only wasting your own time, and have only yourself to blame, if you don’t have good things going on in your life.
If you are having a forgiveness problem, in important relationships, you need to sit down and discuss it with them, in person, calmly and rationally, even if it is through a bullet proof glass window?
· Where are you not seeing eye-to-eye?
· How can they see your reasoning more clearly?
· Is it too hard to explain, in person?
· Are they even worth the time and trouble to you?
· Would it benefit the innocent?
· Would they even care to hear an explanation?
· Can they explain how they feel? To your liking or understanding?
· Any apologies need to be immediate and understood, as well as any BUTS that may have been presented, due to how things transpired? Such as I am sorry for this and this, because of this and this and this, but this and that swayed my decision.
You have to apologize for your own lack of understanding, of not asking the right questions you really want to know, etc., trusting in their honesty and them trusting in yours, is all anyone can do.
Forgiveness is an action figure
If I promise a kid an action figure should they forgive me? Or a big ‘heart attack Mac cheeseburger’? Am I doing it in the right spirit? That they should have to suffer twice,
1. for the original sin and
2. The one of the wrong ‘forgive me’ offer?
· Love can fuel good actions and inspire greater help. So have love no matter what you do.
As I see it now, it is still subject to change…
Forgiveness is something you can experience from others and also something you can learn to practice well. It is not something you really want to go through, because it means something happened you probably did not appreciate, whether due to someone else’s thoughtlessness, error, or other upsetting instance?
Forgiveness is an action …
· That some will look up to you for and admire, if they feel you are being genuine?
o Such as, you will forgive someone who doesn’t live up to your expectations… as acceptance…if you love them unconditionally?
· You won’t accept that they have a right to hold the cards, so you won’t let them forgive you, and you feel smited? As if they have the right to think they are better than you in that respect?
o With all the gifts they have accepted, like bribes, instead of real forgiving and forgiveness taking place? They might know real forgiveness if it bit them in the a…, like all the forgiving a poor person has to do, just to cope, with all the rip offs and income denials, a rich person does not know what real forgiving is.
o To forgive you for something you are not supposed to be sorry for?
o Or they don’t really forgive you, they are only saying ‘forgiveness granted’, for now, to appease the situation?
o When in actuality,
§ They had no right to be mad, in the first place…
§ Were wrong, for the angry negative feelings, they had accepted or bought into, not you…
§ Are being misled because of a bad memory that is remembered wrong…
§ All in an effort to add fuel to the fire, to make you look bad, them look good or boost their ego, as the better person, etc.? EVIL!
If you escape, into drugs and alcohol, how can there be a meeting of the minds?
· to say anything that is important, relevant to the relationship for the future,
· to help save, or get help,
· to get better understanding,
· to get forgiveness or forgive in time,
· to take things the right way,
· To be careful you have to think and see clearly.
Another generalization… no good deed goes unpunished? So evil!
If every good deed earned punishment, no one would ever get satisfaction from being a parent or giving to poor, having a pet, saving lives, etc. Civilization would not exist as we know it. So shut up already with the sarcasm of trying to make nice feel guilty about it… as if not worth it, like unconditional love.
· Such things said in jest, may take a good person years to remedy. Yes it is funny for now, until you also fall through the cracks of justice, because of it. That is deadly serious, and a case of not thinking of consequences what you are saying and the negative impact it would have on others, like encourage giving up, not being nice, being mean when someone is nice, etc.
o Can you forgive that? It is not like ‘greener pastures up ahead’…
o Can’t stress enough enforcing people given the chance to be genuinely sorry and being reprimanded and or forcibly corrected, and may be only way, if you have the time to do anything.. to change a bullying behavior. Don’t hand your problems down to someone else to correct, if you are in a position to prevent it, even better, or get ready for resentment.